Attraction plus Obstacles Leads to Excitement.

In my last Blog “Why is Western Civilization so Extreme Violent?” I wrote about Guilt or Sin.  If Guilt is transformed into Freedom Sexuality becomes an Art, a Way to Express Human Creativity.

In the “The Erotic Mind” (Jack Morin) Sexuality is seen as a general human expression. Morin has developed an “Erotic Equation“: Attraction plus Obstacles Leads to Excitement.

Morin found out that sexual obstacles in one’s youth create lifelong scripts for arousal, while a range of feelings including anxiety and anger can intensify arousal.

Morin advises readers to confront the unresolved feelings that produce “troublesome turn-ons” and offers a guide to modifying or expanding one’s erotic patterns.

In long-term relationships, Morin observes, passion is always going away; he advises couples to recognize and address the interactive tension between Intimacy and Sexual Desire.

The most important transformations of feelings that have to occur to find Pleasure in Sexuality are: Anxiety -> Security, Weakness-> Strength, Guilt/Sin-> Freedom and Anger-> Appreciation.

The Erotic Equation shows a general pattern to become Excited.

To become enthusiastic we need an Obstacle to Take. We need a Resistance.

If Everything is Repeating we get Bored and loose our Passion. If we get bored we get into a state of trance and loose our Strength.

If there are no obstacles to take People are turned into Robots. Robots that are programmed to have sex or perform procedures according to the rules of the programmer. If this succeeds they can be removed and the Program takes over.

The Programmer can be found everywhere.

The first Programmers are our parents. They program their lost expectations. They didn’t make a career and we have to make a career. They didn’t go to University and we have to get a title and even better become a professor.

The second programming is done in School. Sexual Education kills the Art of Sex because we are told “How it Works”. First we have to fall in Love and later we get Children and we go on Loving each other.

We are not told that (Morin) passion is not something we get. We have to invest in Passion.

In the end couples get stuck because the Programmer has formulated the Rule that when we marry we have to stay together “to the end”.

The most effective programmer are the Media. Porno shows how (mostly males) have to perform (!).

The most successful shows and movies stimulate the Romantic Mind and mostly Girls start to believe that Getting Married and Having Children is the Rule.

How can we avoid to get Programmed?

It is easy.

Define an obstacle and start to remove it.

Climb the Hill, Smash the Wall and see the Beautiful Territory that is there to Discover.

But one thing is very important.

Find a partner to travel with. If he or she gives you deep trust which has passed the test of time, loyalty built on shared experience, mutual compassion, and the feeling of a safe haven in the face of life’s unpredictability, the Sky is The Limit.

If Partners avoid the pitfall of turning each other into Parental surrogates who alternate between offering Safety and Imposing Burdens, both can enjoy and savour the best what relationship has to offer.

LINKS

About the Dance of Innovation

How to Resolve Conflicts

About Mathematics and Excitement

Why Psychiatrists are unable to Cure their own Mental Diseases

Why is Western Civilization so Extreme Violent?

Violence can be seen in every area of life.

We converted people to the Christian Faith of “Love thy Neighbor” with Violence.

We cure Diseases with Violence (Opening the Body, Taking Toxic medicine), we use Violence to create Food and now we even use Violence to Enforce (!) Peace (Afghanistan, Iraq).

Violence to enforce Peace is the last invention of what a friend of mine calls the Dark Dreamers.

Dark Dreamers are people that cannot handle Love and Compassion. They are afraid to Lose Control.

To Stay in Power they have to Suppress Others. To suppress others they need Violent People (Killers, Soldiers, Food for Cannons).

Violence is a reaction to suppression and the most effectual suppression is the suppression of sexuality.

In “The History of Sexuality“, Foucault states that Western Culture has long been fixated on Sexuality.

In China, Japan, India and the Roman Empire sexuality has been seen as an “Ars Erotica”, “Erotic Art“, a special experience.

Sexuality is something to Enjoy like good food, music and theater.

In Western Society something completely different has been created, “Scientia Sexualis“, the Science of Sexuality.

It is based on a phenomenon diametrically opposed to Ars Erotica: the Confession. The pleasure of Sexuality has to be confessed and examined in every detail to find the traces of SIN.

The confession of sin creates a power relation between preacher and confessant.

Foucault writes: “We are an extraordinarily confessing society. Confession has spread its effects far and wide: in the judicial system, in the army, in medicine, in pedagogy, in familial relations, in amorous relationships, in everyday life and in the most solemn rituals; crimes are confessed, sins are confessed, thoughts and desires are confessed, one’s past and one’s dreams are confessed, one’s childhood is confessed; one’s diseases and problems are confessed”.

The main focus of the confession was on regulating the sexuality of the married couple, ignoring other forms of sexual relations.

Therefore the body of women was sexualized because of its role as a child bearer.

The concept “hysteria” was invented and seen as a result of sexual problems.

To prevent that children experience sexuality as a pleasure parents are warned about the dangers inherent in masturbation and other sexuality.

The sexuality of adults becomes an object of study and all forms of “perverse” aberrations are seen as dangers.

Foucault emphasizes that the aim of these moral codes was not to abolish all forms of sexuality, but to protect health and the purity of the race.

What can we do to stop this violence?

Don’t Confess Anymore. Talk Freely about everything you Enjoy even Sexuality and consider life as a beautiful experience.

Make Love not War.

Leave the System of Violence and join The System of Love and Compassion.

If you want to bring Peace to the World go to the under-development countries and help to build Roads, Schools, and Houses.

The people over there are Not Violent (Remember this is the Message of the Mass Media) they want to Enjoy Life Like You.