In my last Blog “Why is Western Civilization so Extreme Violent?” I wrote about Guilt or Sin. If Guilt is transformed into Freedom Sexuality becomes an Art, a Way to Express Human Creativity.
In the “The Erotic Mind” (Jack Morin) Sexuality is seen as a general human expression. Morin has developed an “Erotic Equation“: Attraction plus Obstacles Leads to Excitement.
Morin found out that sexual obstacles in one’s youth create lifelong scripts for arousal, while a range of feelings including anxiety and anger can intensify arousal.
Morin advises readers to confront the unresolved feelings that produce “troublesome turn-ons” and offers a guide to modifying or expanding one’s erotic patterns.
In long-term relationships, Morin observes, passion is always going away; he advises couples to recognize and address the interactive tension between Intimacy and Sexual Desire.
The most important transformations of feelings that have to occur to find Pleasure in Sexuality are: Anxiety -> Security, Weakness-> Strength, Guilt/Sin-> Freedom and Anger-> Appreciation.
The Erotic Equation shows a general pattern to become Excited.
To become enthusiastic we need an Obstacle to Take. We need a Resistance.
If Everything is Repeating we get Bored and loose our Passion. If we get bored we get into a state of trance and loose our Strength.
If there are no obstacles to take People are turned into Robots. Robots that are programmed to have sex or perform procedures according to the rules of the programmer. If this succeeds they can be removed and the Program takes over.
The Programmer can be found everywhere.
The first Programmers are our parents. They program their lost expectations. They didn’t make a career and we have to make a career. They didn’t go to University and we have to get a title and even better become a professor.
The second programming is done in School. Sexual Education kills the Art of Sex because we are told “How it Works”. First we have to fall in Love and later we get Children and we go on Loving each other.
We are not told that (Morin) passion is not something we get. We have to invest in Passion.
In the end couples get stuck because the Programmer has formulated the Rule that when we marry we have to stay together “to the end”.
The most effective programmer are the Media. Porno shows how (mostly males) have to perform (!).
The most successful shows and movies stimulate the Romantic Mind and mostly Girls start to believe that Getting Married and Having Children is the Rule.
How can we avoid to get Programmed?
It is easy.
Define an obstacle and start to remove it.
Climb the Hill, Smash the Wall and see the Beautiful Territory that is there to Discover.
But one thing is very important.
Find a partner to travel with. If he or she gives you deep trust which has passed the test of time, loyalty built on shared experience, mutual compassion, and the feeling of a safe haven in the face of life’s unpredictability, the Sky is The Limit.
If Partners avoid the pitfall of turning each other into Parental surrogates who alternate between offering Safety and Imposing Burdens, both can enjoy and savour the best what relationship has to offer.